I would like to become a solicitor and believe that a law degree will significantly aid me to achieve this goal. Statement rating: Its a good personal statement. You clearly have a dedication for the subject. Anyone who takes part in karate knows that blackbelt is not the highest standard, and you certainly couldnt reach the highest standard possible in 10 years.
I find it very hard to believe you actually took part in this activity so i question some of your other claims. This personal statement sounds as if you have totally stereotyped yourself and told the admissions tutors what you thought they wanted to hear. If you had been yourself and been more truthfull you may have had an offer made from the other universities. They do read personal statements all day everyday as a job, so they can smell a desperate liar a mile off. This is a good effort for a personal statement.
I think this person has put a lot of effort into this staement and deserves success in the future, well done. If you have reached a grade that essay about my school in karate in your somewhat short life then i am the angel of the north. You are clearly very talented and have many achievements like head boy, excellent GCSEs, a black belt in karate though black belt is not the highest grade as i have one and know there are at least 8 kinds you can get depending what form of karate you do!
Its a shame the universities did not recognise your talents. You would have benefited if it were written better with more form and structure. Are you kidding me? I know you want to be a lawyer and everything, but get over it. Also, another flaw is justifying your desire to study English by your ambition to be a lawyer. Most courses at the top universities, the kinds you applied for, teach Law in a more theoretical, academic manner. Indeed, many students read Law to satisfy and challenge them academically, and go on to find a career in other fields.
So yeah. Not a good idea to repeatedly reinforce the fact that reading Law at uni will help you to become a lawyer.
You should have spoken about yourself more, perhaps, in an academic capacity.
Explain WHY you found the depiction interesting, etc. Hope I helped other people looking to write their personal statement. This is a good personal statement - and kudos on getting into reading and exeter. However, it does give a lot of good points and it has clearly been worked upon - a little more structure, and focus on key areas, and i dare say nottingham, warwick and Oxford would have jumped at the chance of having you.
Hey, there are sum parts of this personal stements that i like and i appreciate how much effort this person may have put in to it. But to me, they tied a bit too hard to impress, resutling in the statement sounding unnatural in parts. Just be your self! I am sorry but I do not believe this statement deserves praise. Firstly, after attempting to digest this lengthly and heavy matter I saw it could not be done, alongside with the inconsistent english.
One wrong english sentence and thats it for Oxford, and you made many more than just one. It was more than clear to me that although you may really want to be a solicitor, you have purposely tried to impress the universities with a great sense of unorginality in your approach.
Try to have expanded on other interests. Be truthful. You did not read Dickens because of his portrayal of a courtroom. Did you even go past your first draft? I find this ps very interesting, and it serves a very gd example for me I find very interesting the fact that this person uses past experiences with the subject!
Thank you!!!! I think some of the comments here are really very harsh. Whatever happened to support and guidance? Personal statement review is not a competition to find out how YOU would have done it better of course!
Stating that this person is a "desperate liar" is completely out of order. University admissions tutors are not God. And finally to the person who rather boastfully asserted that "my parents are both lawyers" and that their parents were disgusted or whatever by the use of the word "ambience": People have a right to apply wherever they want, and at least people like this guy are a refreshing alternative to all the clones quoting Jean-Paul Satre and the like, vying for a place at Oxbridge.
I concede that this personal statement has faults, but constructive criticism is all that is needed. No-one in their right mind would say on their PS that they picked up Dickens "because" of this. I looked at this PS while writing my own. Apart from that it is a good PS, as it is to the point and holds most of this information that the administrators are looking for.
I does seem a bit braggy, but excentuating your positive points is never a bad thing, aslong as you dont get too cocky. Indeed, It was very stupid of you to write "highest grade blackbelt" anyone who does martial arts can tell that this is a huge exageration of truth if not a lie. However, wha Law is the predominant overarching factor in defining the stability of our society. My fervent interest in Law developed whe I am interested in studying essay writing language law degree after attending the local courts to observe law in action.
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